The Unexpected

Four days since the last entry to my journal. It feels like a month. It's so hard to express how I feel right now. I was supposed to be here, in my ex's home for a few days to celebrate Thanksgiving with her family. There is a proverb that says "The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." and that is exactly what happened.

For almost 20 years I had a family, and in one day I lost that family. That event lead me to become homeless, and on my own. I got used to living on the streets. This week, in one day... I got a new family and I'm off the streets.

It is very difficult for me to type this, I'm very emotional right now. I knew it would not be easy to post this on my blog. It's the main reason why I'm doing this in the middle of the night, 11:30 pm to be exact.

Everyone is asleep in the house, a home I now live in. I sleep on the leather sofa which is heaven in comparison to where I used to sleep. I won't miss having to lay down on layers of cardboard every night, but I won't forget it either.

To wake up and know I can say "good morning" to people that actually care about me is a blessing which I'm grateful to them and to God. I try not to mention religion in my blog. I feel it is a personal choice, and I've never liked people who preach about their faith too much. My connection to the Lord is simple, I speak in private either verbally or with my thoughts and I do my best to listen.

Saturday night, my ex asked me if I could stay until Tuesday. because she needed to install a new TV at her mother's house for her birthday. I gladly agreed, another few days with a roof over my head sounded good to me.

Sunday afternoon she tells me that didn't want me to go back to the streets. She then went on to say everyone in the house had agreed to take me in. Her father, her stepmother and her husband had unanimously decided that I could live with them. The word unexpected falls short to describe the moment. If that wasn't enough, she told me I was part of her family.

Family means a lot to me, so for her to say that, knowing it was coming from her heart... it meant a lot.

Out of respect, I won't use the names of my new family, however I will show you my new furry roommates. The first two belong to my ex, the last one belongs to her father and stepmother.

This is Mushi, she barks for attention.

This is Zoe, she will eat anything.

This is Apache, the big boy.

I enjoy walking them. I had at one time considered becoming a dog walker, but I lacked the experience and reference to do it, and yeah... the fact that I was homeless sort of ended that idea.

The past few days has been a dream. I have a place to call home, where I can take a shower, keep my clothes, a safe place with good people that are helping me put my life back together. A totally unexpected situation, one which I'm glad to be in.

In the morning my ex tried to wake me up several times. The plan was for me to help her install a new TV for her mother, as a birthday gift. Instead she did it on her own, because I was deep asleep. I feel bad that when she was counting on me I wouldn't wake up. I intend to make it up to her somehow, even though she insists that it's alright. Her friendship means a lot to me.

I won't waste the opportunity she is giving me to rebuild my life. I'll share some more tomorrow.

May you walk in the light of God.

Sincerely.

Luis

A Sweet and Itchy Thankgiving

It's 5 am and I haven't slept thanks to my itchy feet which are still recovering. Even with anti-itch cream, which helped a bit. Still, last night was wonderful. The meal was great, my ex and her stepmother made everything from scratch. I met my ex's relatives. I had already met her cousin who is polite to me, not sure if she likes me or not.

Her 89 yrs old aunt who is on a wheelchair was very social, I was mostly listening to her tell me about her life. She was a lovely woman. Her son made a homemade cheesecake based on her recipe and it was beyond delicious. I haven't had homemade cheesecake in 20 years, it was decadent.

A face that I had not seeing in 16 years, was my ex's mother; who I remember being kind and loving. She reminds me of my grandma; we hugged before she went to sleep.

I walked the family's big 80 pound dog named "Apache" which was shy for a few days, before he would let me pet him. He is a loving pet and was easy to walk him around last night. I didn't know he had diarrhea, so we left some free fertilizer on the grass.

Surprisingly I was able to socialize with most of the family, even though I felt awkward at the beginning. Her father even talked about my ex's childhood, about some freaky monkey attack on his convertible, when she was a child. It was a funny story, you had to be there to get it.

I had a good time, I felt very welcomed, thank God. That is all I can share.

May you walk in the light of God.

Sincerely.

Luis

Thanksgiving from 5 to 12!

I thought when I got the Thanksgiving invitation from my ex's family, that it would be them four and me. Oh no, this is a family gathering. 12 people including me, the guy that is not part of the family.

Despite my 20's when I could get together with a ton of strangers to get high and drunk, at this point in my life, I'm socially awkward. For the 19 years I was married, the only people I socialized with, were my wife's family and their handful of friends. So it was usually 7 of us, me and my wife, her brother and his two kids, her sister and a family friend.

After Nina passed away in January of 2015, it was 5 of us, her family was the only family I knew, the only family I had. I was used to them, so birthdays and holidays went on after a few months of mourning. I did hide my depression from them, and in June of this year I survived a suicide attempt.

I got professional help, group therapy and the whole 9 yards. I thought that my family would be there for me after I was released. Instead I was given a backpack with clothes, and told by my brother in law that I was "no longer part of the family" at the parking lot outside our home.

That is how I became homeless. No family to call my own, with just what I had on me, walking the streets of Florida. Days, weeks and months went by, and I got used to it. Not having a family, or real friends that is.

I know a lot of friendly people I care about in Delray Beach, but true friendship... it wasn't in my life, until my ex found me through Facebook. What are the chances that someone you had an intense relationship with, that ended badly, would be such a loving friend after 15 years?

Now I'm in her home about to celebrate Thanksgiving with another 11 people, most who don't know me. I'm nervous, as if I'm going on a freaking date for god's sake!

Her father is a great guy, old school type that believes in hard work, and doesn't like anything handed to him. His wife is a lovely lady, that reminds me of my grandma. And there is my ex, who has given me true friendship. True friendship is rare these days, with so much bs going on in our society for the past few decades. I never finished high school, but life has educated me enough to know that usually friends come and go, but family is... or should be forever.

Here I am, with no family, but with a friend which is solid as a rock (and just as stubborn). I'm hoping I don't put my foot in my mouth. What if I'm asked what I do for a living? or where I live? yeah... socially awkward indeed.

God help me. If you're reading this, have a great Thanksgiving 👍

May you walk in the light of God.

Sincerely.

Luis

Wednesday

I'm used to waking up at 5 am. What I'm not used to, is waking up on a nice leather sofa, covered by a comforter.

It was a nice way to wake up. Even more so when my ex said I could go to her bed and keep sleeping there. I hesitated, for about 10 seconds. Sleeping on a nice soft bed was even better. I must've slept for about 4 hours or so.

My ex asked me to help carry some tables and chair over for tomorrow. I was happy to be of help. Checking her stepmother's 2 laptops an hour later, I had to give her the mixed news. The Dell Inspiron m5030 was dead, nothing I could do for it. The Lenovo was something I was able to fix, restoring it to factory settings, exactly as it was the day it was bought.

I was glad to see her smile once I was done with the Lenovo which only took me 45 minutes to fix. This family is so warm and genuine to the core, I'm happy to spend any time here. Right now I'm enjoying a nice bread pizza that my ex made for me. Watching on of my favorite movies right now, Deadpool.

Thanks for reading.

May you walk in the light of God.

Sincerely.

Luis

Sofa Heaven and Vulcan Salute

She picked me up in the morning, bought me a croissant with sausage, egg and cheese while we were at Dunkin Donuts even after I told her I wasn't hungry. My ex is stubborn like a mule. The drive to her house was more lively than last time. I'm more comfortable with her since last time.

She tried to figure out a way for me to live with them, of course things are tight with the current economy. I had to put my foot down, asking her not to bring it up again to her family. Surprisingly, she took it well.

Her family welcomed me with open arms, her husband was at work still. I was able to take a long hot shower. It took me a while to shave. I only got disposable razors and I had a scruffy beard. She doesn't like me having a beard, and it annoyed her that I had missed 3 hairs on my face.

I have to admit, I liked annoying her a bit. She is a bit OCD and half jokingly said that she would shave the hairs while I slept. She is stubborn enough to do it, so I may let her do it. I do feel bad that she is in so much pain and there is nothing I can do for her. She tells me that she feels bad because I'm living on the streets. So we each feel bad for each other. She told me that she cares for me, and I can see that she does.

Yet my logic kicks in. Not seeing each other for 15 years after we ended our relationship on a bad note... it did give me pause, made it hard for me to trust her. Even though it was mostly my fault how things ended between us. She has moved on and I've also moved on emotionally. I can't see myself as anything other than a friend with her.

We went shopping for a few things that were needed for Thanksgiving. Just a few small things, when I tried to pay for it she stood her ground telling me I was not allowed to do that. So I threw in a 2-pack of Twix expecting her to send it straight to my face. She didn't. Back in the day she used to throw things at my head for no reason. Not light things mind you, but solid enough to send me to the hospital if I didn't duck.

15 years has mellowed her a bit, thank God. I finished the 1st season of Mr. Robot and it is a very good show, as a geek/nerd I give it a Vulcan salute.

The sofa here is heaven, she had it ready with 2 pillows and 2 comforters. I'll be checking 2 laptops for her stepmother, who is a lovely lady whose kindness reminds me of my grandmother.

We had some fun with Facebook Messenger while we were practically 6 feet away from each other. Me on the sofa and my ex on her recliner. We can be silly that way sometimes, I like it.

She tells me things in confidence, and it makes me more at ease. I trust her more. I wish I was in a position to help her. I have a friend, and she really loves me.

It's been a great day.

May you walk in the light of God.

Sincerely.

Luis