Late last night I ran out of bandages, but luckily my buddy Joe (the cop) hooked me up with enough gauze and bandages for the next few days. I was very grateful and asked him to thank his girlfriend for me. Thanks to her I'm healing up.
At 5 45 am I placed the Dunkin Donuts tables and chairs outside, like every morning.
I was given a warm plain bagel with cream cheese which tasted like heaven. It took all of 5 minutes after I got my stuff set at my booth before I fell asleep. I woke up at around 10 am, and started to catch up to the rest of the Season 2 of Blindspot which I'm a fan of thanks to Ashley Johnson from Critical Role. I mentioned CR last Thursday and unfortunately due to turkey day, there won't be a show this week 😞.
Being homeless is not an easy lifestyle. I wish I had a job to go to every single day, to sleep every night on a bed even if it was in a room the size of a closet. There is no day which is stress free, and depression is one blink of an eye away.
So how do I avoid from losing it? How do I keep myself together? Well I've always been good at daydreaming. I can see myself living a different life, even a different past... I can create memories which I can make myself believe to be real for a short time.
It may sound crazy, but it works for me. I've been Darth Vader, King Arthur, a young guy living in NY with his gf, an old man living in Alaska, Wolverine, an Inhuman, an Immortal... even changed genders. I've had hundreds of dreams since I've been homeless, keeping my mind from stress.
It was always a way to escape since my childhood, and I've rarely mentioned it to anyone. I'm certain it's because I had been abused. But daydreaming is also risky, going too deep and I'm no longer aware of my surroundings. That can be very dangerous to someone who is homeless.
I've kept a good balance, I've been reading books, listening to Pandora, watching streams (like CR), movies, tv series and of course my favorite youtube channels which provide entertainment. Entertainment which keeps me from imploding from the inside out.
Before you ask why daydream being a villain... let me tell you, it is far better to choke someone to death in your mind as a fictional character using the force than using your hands on a real person. I don't like violence, but I'm very capable of defending myself, and others if need be.
Anger does come up, at myself mostly. Thinking how could I've been so weak to attempt suicide; to allow my wife to go through a surgery that killed her. Logic says it wasn't my fault, but emotions and logic don't always agree.
To release negative emotions without doing something stupid, then is where the daydreams comes into place. I can do it for an hour or longer, and see myself in the most crazy realities. I have a fear of heights, but while daydreaming I can fly above the clouds as Superman or jump off a plane with a parachute.
The first is impossible of course, no human can defy gravity on his/her own. The second dream could happen, but extremely unlikely considering that every time I've been in a plane I hold on to the seat for dear life. The point is, while other homeless escape through drugs and liquor of all kinds, my "high" is my own mind.
If I feel myself slide into depression, the daydreaming kicks in. When I had a family that loved me, I rarely did it. Now without a family... it helps me stay in one piece. Because my foot is still not fully healed I avoid walking, and staying in one place all day is boring and easily depressing.
I've found that writing blogs also helps me a great deal. Sharing my life experiences, my daily life, and working on the Homeless Survival Guide keeps me grounded.
I thank God every day for allowing me to continue my existence.
That's all for today.
May you walk in the light of God.
Sincerely.
Luis
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